you turned your livingroom into a bong?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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