I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
