More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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