oh god the rape fog is back!
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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