Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
