I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
