Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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