Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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