Michael Bay diarrhea
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
