It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
