remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
