The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
