You can't motorboat a personality
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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