i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
