There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
do herpes really smell.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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