idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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