He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
