are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
