I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
