I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
