This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
