i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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