Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
