Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Your cock deserves a montage
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
