apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
