So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
