I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
