This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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