who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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