just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
