Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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