Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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