Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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