How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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