we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
