Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
