hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Randomize
