remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
