I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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