Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
