dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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