...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
