i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
