it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
