Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
