He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
