Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Let's paint friendship bongs
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize