Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
