u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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