Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
