Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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