Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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