hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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