I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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