You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
