I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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