Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
