Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I don't deserve a penis
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Dicks are not precious.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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