I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
