I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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