i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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