I hate all girls vehemently.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
