I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
