So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
