She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
