Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
