dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
this boner is exhausting
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
