3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
