you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
