Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
So squirting runs in the family.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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