You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
vagina is talking i cant
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I could fuck to npr.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
