You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize