and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize