I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
